A quick visual guide to…

Doctor Who – The Sontaran Stratagem (2008 )

I liked it!

It’s a step better from Daleks in Manhattan (but hey, anything is, innit?), a bit silly and with a glorious “HELLO!” plot hole (use a fekkin’ brick, Doc, use your chav instincts!). The Sontarans are funkyduby dubious, the genius kid is properly stupid and evil and Unit are dipwads as always. I liked the cliffhanger a lot and music is a little less grating this time around.

Let’s go for the edited highlights.
- Are red berets the new red shirt?
- Did Joel Schumacher lit up the episode? Cool it with the mauve/purple lights, Jebus almighty!!
- That umbilical cord on the clones… nice to see the BBC reusing props from last week episode! (it’s the Ood brain connecter)
- “Your name is Trepo?” sounded like “Your name is Feepo?” AHOOGAH!
- WTF? Flashbacks already? Cool it, Rusty!
- Tate outacts Freema any day.
- Pwning a sontaran by racket ball? Fekkin’ class!

- The UNIT theme! Oh yeah, bitches!!
- Is there a BBC guideline where ALL human villains have to smirk? See Martha, the boy genius and the silly idiot from Human Nature/Family of Blood.
- GUNGED MARTHA! You can’t do that on TV?!
- The “hey, the car didn’t exploded!” had me in stitches. Same for the tennis/squatch/racquetball bit.
- I liked the Sontaran voices a lot, but the Victory Aerobics? No cigar.
- Producer Russell T. Davies (aka. Unca RTD)…. what the hell are you sniffing??!?!?! SHARE SOME YOU EVIL BASTIDD!!!

Now, the graphical breakdown:

Silly “women can’t drive” moments:

Murray Gold’s “quirky music” cues (in the hundreds):

Amount of rainforest acres destroyed to make the two actors playing the stupid UNIT soldiers:

Amount of rainforest acres destroyed to make a wooden actress like Freema Agyeman:

Amount of times you thought Daleks in Manhattan was bad because of Helen Raynor

Amount of times you thought Daleks in Manhattan was bad because of RTD

Appearance of the cool UNIT theme

Ewwww! moments!

Amount of times the Doc is scolded as bad influence

Feepo moments (each is ten)

Times “Diabolical Acting” used to denote evilness is reduced to smirking

FrillyRating?

Unca RTD says?
IT DELIVERS!!!

Extra captions!!!

WE DIDN’T LISTEN TO AL GORE!!!!

Please, don’t make me watch Torchwood’s Cyberwoman again! PLEASE!!!!

Not the beeeessss!! argh!

Me: Ah, a remake of a great british movie. Let’s check it out.

Libby: You sure? It has “poor puppy dog eyes” Cage as the lead actor.

Me: What’s the worst that could happen?

Please return your oscar, dude.

Rapid fire music news from the nerd side…

-The final tracklist for Weezer’s new album is out at AngryApe:

1. Troublemaker
2. The Greatest Man That Ever Lived (Variations on a Shaker Hymn)
3. Pork and Beans
4. Heart Songs
5. Everybody Get Dangerous
6. Dreamin’
7. Thought I Knew
8. Cold Dark World
9. Automatic
10. The Angel and the One
11. Miss Sweeney (US Bonus Song)
12. Pig (US Bonus Song)
13. The Spider (US Bonus Song)
14. King (US Bonus Song)

Check their new single, pork and beans at their myspace!

-Rockstar: Velvet Revolver? The drama is getting weirder but funnier.

-Rolling Stone released another of their lists. I don’t particularly agree with most of the choices, but who the heck am I to talk about music? Check it.

-Bored and have a decent internet connection? Stop wasting yer time reading this dross and go to Soma FM. Thank us later!

Rapid fire music news: ahoogah!

-The Smashing Pumpkins are to be inducted into the RockWalk? About time! I just saw them last saturday at Mexico’s Zero Fest. The sound was a bit wobbly, but I enjoyed thoroughly that Mayonaise and Hummer (two of my all time faves) got some love, both from Corgan and the public.

-Some very cool mp3s to check out at Spin.com this month… My fave choices? Flight of the conchords and Aimee Mann.

-The Fratellis + Pete Townshend = The Seeker!

-Nice to see I am Kloot getting some love from the press. Check this article from The Times. And yes, I feel I’m on the brotherhood too.

-And speaking of The Times giving some love to cool artists, Elbow’s new cd got some great reviews there.

Good things come to those who wank

It was a horrible day.

Not only did I pay 3 taxis, but I got food poisoning.

My converse are broken like the social scene.

My soul is heavy, my regret is astoundingly high.

Me, me, me. The Navelgazer. The Me world.

It starts to rain. I used to loved the rain. Now it’s hell.

It rains and rains, but I get home, say “hi” and sit around, waiting for a miracle to happen while my feed drip is on.

It still rains, and I notice the house parrot in the rain. The little thing hates me but I still go out, get him into his cage and into safety.

It rains harder, I’m soaking wet and I think I can’t blame him for being aggressive. His previous owner was an asshole to it.

Will my act of kindness get a reward?

Yes. The coffee is fresh.

Series overview – Little Britain (2003)

Ahooogah y’all too… So, my editor (yes, we do have one… and he’s bribable! ) told me my FrillyReviews are waaaay to much of a chore to read…so I tolds him to go sod himself off, dig?

Sadly, he has better bodyguards than me. So instead of reviewing each episode of Little Britain, I’ll be doing a review on the sketches (which, if you take into account how Little Britain works, it’s the best approach, really).

I’ll bung the bastidds into four categories: Sketches that work, sketches that don’t work, the “thank Jebus they don’t repeat them too much” sketches and the “You have to be in the mood to like ‘em” sketches (which maybe applies to all of them…).

So, without any further ado…I’ll give ye my take on Series 1 of Little Britain!

Sketches that work

-Andy and Lou : I just love them! It’s a bit like Nyder and Davros in Genesis of the Daleks (wheelchair dictator, “can do” bespectacled follower), but funnier. I like the plain nuttiness of the jokes (even if they are VERY repetitive) but it cracks me up.

Are you sure you don’t want to watch Shaun of the Dead instead?

-Ray McCooney. The jokes about Scotland’s weather are funny. This sketch is very out there, with the wooden flute playing and all. “Maybe I do and maybe I don’t!” YEEEE-eeeEEEEEeee-SS! My fave is the one with “carrot cake, carrot cake.. have ye any nuts?”

AHOOOOGAH, b1tches!

-Sebastian and The PM – I liked this one a lot, but I guess it’s because it has Giles as the “straight man” (in more than one way). The prejokes with the cozzer outside are up for a quick chuckle.

Reading the scripts for season 8 of Buffy?

-Bad parents with sick kid – Sickengly brilliant. Loved Starsky’s (or was it Hutch?) reaction to them.

-Kenny Craig The hypnotist – Cracks me up everytime. Specially his date and then the scrabble with his mum!

How can a geezer with eye mascara get a date with a cute chick like that? THERE IS HOPE FOR ME!

-Vicky Pollard – i was going to tell you sumfink or summat but SHUDDUP!!! don’t believe the other ranters in this blog ’cause they lie and steal and change their babies for Westlife cds!

No but yeah but no but yeah but no but yeah but… hey, there’s my thesaurus!

Sketches that don’t work

-Matthew Waterhouse sketch – bad seller, bad sketch. It’s mostly about an incompetent dude trying to sell some ham-fisted ideas…no thanks.

What? That I must be in a freighter with Cybermen?

-Emily Howard – A little hit and miss too. I think it was based on the Boy George parody from Rock Profiles. It gets overplayed on the next series and the humour is lost to me. Can’t really big up transvestite jokes that get played again and again.

-Bernard ChumleyWashed up actor – boring and overlong. Not funny at all. Actually, it is disturbing, so maybe that’s the point of it?

-The “EEEEh eeeh eeeeh” lady, Anne: Hey, does SNL know you are nicking their sh1t? Avoid.

Adam Sandler …how the mighty have fallen.

-Ed and Samantha – Teacher and student married. Went for too many obvious jokes. It isn’t that funny, maybe a chuckle or two. The first one was fantastic, though.

The “thank jebus they didn’t repeat this one enough!” sketches

-Mr Cleaves and the alumns at Kelsey Grammar – rapid jokes about a school. Most of them worked, and it wasn’t overplayed. Others are bit “uh?”.

-Mr Mann, Roy and his wife, Margaret. The premise is: Mr Mann wants something very very specific and hijinx follow in the store. This one is surreal and repetitive, but still made me laugh a bit…

-Peter Andre – quick one and weird. Stalking the Royal Family with no pants!

-Sandra and Ralph – overbearing parents, too true, too funny.

-Denver Mills – ex pro athlete, very mean, but funny. Never overplayed. The one about leper was mean!

-Liz and Clive Husband and wife Eve – Molly Sugden’s stalker. Born from the Rock Profile Prodigy sketch. It had actually an arc and it was played out on series 1, which is good, since it wouldn’t hold up if repeated any more. As it is, it’s chuckle worthy, with the finale making me go “for the lolz!”.

-Dame Sally Lazy writer – Used sparingly, thank Jebus. So, so. HOW MANY PAGES?

-The blackface Minstrels. Uh? Don’t get it….

Hey guys, if you see Spike Lee, run for your lives!

“You have to be in the mood to like ‘em” sketches

-Dennis Waterman – the giant props are funny, but that’s all. It would’ve worked as one or two joke, but it was crash and burn, really. I do enjoy prop comedy, but a lot of people I’ve showed this sketch just go “uh?”. There’s also the bit that since it’s mostly a parody of a british actor that isn’t really famous in Mexico, the joke might be a little lost in translation. Mind you, it’s a bit of a grower and probably I would put it up there with the “Sketches that work”. The sketch’s prop humour has been funny with a lot of my friends.

Doo doo do dodo DOOOO!

-Daffyd – Again, it’s the same joke, but still made me laugh. The one with the gay trekkies had me in stitches. This one really crashed and burned with my friends, who barely laughed with it.

-Des Kay Ex-tv-show presenter with the “where’s me breakfast?” gator – weird but fun. I think I’m laughing alone at this one.

Basil Brush you ain’t!

-The one with the mints as medicines – The NHS in action!! Boo yah!

-Piano player- so so laughs…but the one about Sainsbury’s felt like a cool inside joke for me… why do supermarkets close so early in England? :p

-Marjorie Dawes – The prejokes were the funniest from this one (the one with Jesus enjoying a toke with the disciples had me rolling). I think I’ve actually met weight losing people who are bastidds like Marjorie, who really try to undermine your self esteem. They can go fekk themselves up. I liked the sketch but hit a little close to home.

-Gary and Jason the Granny shagger… I kind of know people like this. Disturbing. The prejoke with the chav and an adult teaching him how to be a better ASBO cracks me up, though.

I’m not Sarah Jane Smith, dammit!

-Record setters – just a chuckle for the credits. And something nice to see while you listen to Tom Baker and his fantastic voice.

Tee hee.

DVD extras

I gotta tell you, I didn’t expect to have this much fun with the extras, but I think the “best of” Rock Profile was fantastic. To be honest, I think I got more laughs out of that than many of the sketches (specially the EH eh ehhhh! lady). My faves? Blur’s Damon Albarn gets tagged as a crazed pyromaniac, Bono is shown as an egomaniac dumbarse (wait? that’s not the real him?), the Bee Gees live under the iron hand of their elder brother (No Chambourcy hippopotamousse for you!!!).

The character playlist is funny, with my favorite (no surprise here) being Lou and Andy’s “crash the disc?” option. There’s some funny BBC 3 indents with plasticine worms replaying the sketches and the pilot of the series, which had some of the jokes re-used later.

Final words?

“Either that wallpaper or I go”.

But seriously, I bought the three little britain series for 10 pounds (boxset for the win!). This alone made it worth it (I will get unto the other series soon).

FrillyRating:

And now, a quickie clip :

Will sell soul for toys. Contact within.

Boo yah!!! New “classic Doctor Who” toys announced and ready to ship!

All I can say is:

[youtube]http://youtube.com/watch?v=IX_QoisjBQ0[/youtube]

Grant Lee Phillips, we love you…

Me: I love it when the other dude steals his song!

Libby: You like how other people suffer!

Me: I had to make at least one manly/virile comment. It’s emasculating enough that I’m actively and willing searching for clips of the Gilmore Girls on Youtube!

The unrequested return of Rapid fire music news!!

Back to posting with some tidings of music!

- So after last week’s brouhaha (that surely felt like ancient history to Slash and Co.), Scott Weiland is out of VR and back with STP. Always underrated Dean Deleo said that they plan to record a new album after the tour is done in November. I kind of liked the first VR album, but the second one just didn’t do the trick. Also, I’m a sucker for th STP, whose Purple, Tiny music and Core pretty much marked my life in the years 93-97. Check their tour schedule at Spin.com .

- Heaven, thy name is Lollapalooza. Sweet, sweet line – up for this year. I would just love to see Radiohead again, and Brand New are becoming one of my favourite bands. Broken Social Scene, Explosions in the sky, Wilco and Stephen Malkmus. Will donate vital organs for tix!

Be reading you real soon!

Revies from a caffeinated window #9

Doctor Who – Daleks in Manhattan/Evolution of the Daleks (2007)

Reviewed by: FrillyShirtCyberman

The gist of it:

Ah, sorry, this story has no plot. None whatsoever. No, wait, there was a plot, somewhere around, but someone forgot to put it in the fridge and now it has gone bad. Very bad. Bad Doctor, no biscuit!

But seriously, it all starts with a promiscuous tosser and his shagpiece called “BBC actress doing stereotypical Noo Yahk accent to get back at hollywood for all those years of villains using British accents”. We’ll call her Stupid Blondie (SB) for short.

Lissen to me, booby, I ‘as Noo Yahk accent or summat, howzabout sum caw-fee and a Mets game? 

So,  after the  “obligatory kill before credits”  cold opening, we breeze through the snazzy opening titles that FLY TOWARDS YOUR SCREEN FASTER THAN A KAMIKAZE WII CONTROL! Or summat. Silly Doc Ten and PoFaced Companion (Is it cause I is black?) arrive at a badly rendered New York skyline. Note that although it’s the 30’s, there’s no King Kong or Harold Lloyd. HERESY!

My Intellivision has better graphics than this. FACT!

Ah, sorry, I’m feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeling another of my moods coming. Please bear with me whilst I get something out of my way.

Oh noes!! Frilly drank another cuppa joe!

Thanks.

Anyhoo, Doctor TenSquee and SillyPoFaced Martha walk about for a while and two things came to mind: first, it’s nice to know that New York is desegregated in the 30s, ya know? And second, would somebody give me a bag of Cheetos? (I’ll explain this remark later).

In something less oblique, Doc and PoFaced Martha arrive to see some politically correct sh1t going on.

A character named Solomon: he takes bread and breaks it in half.. OH SUBTLETY, why have you forsaken us?

A little off topic: the cgi still sucks. And the scene is boring. I’m nitpicking. Cheetos, please?

Oh no! It’s… VANILLA SKY!!! Run before Tom Cruise kills Daleks with his Scientology powers!

So, while we get some quickie history lessons about the Depression and some stupid communist propaganda about sharing bread, we go near, no more than a Depression era unladen swallow away from the Hobo camp…to the construction site of the Empire State Building. Of course, those Wascally Pepperpots O’Evil (TM) are up to no good, paying Lucky Luciano’s lovechild top dollah to build the skyscraper. What for? CUE EVIL MUSIC (with overcompressed volume!)

That “View on top of the world restaurant” sure is a ripoff, thought the lovebirds dining at “The View”.

ANYWAYS, Lucky Luciano’s lovechild tells the construction workers to mount some Dalek panels on top of the building before tonight or they will sleep with the fishes. And get some cement shoes. And buy farms. Enough mafia clichés for you? They weren’t for the writer … or  the script editor that supposedly messed around this story.

Don’t sweat it, mate, no shame in using a toupee these days!
Meanwhile, Sir Arthur and Sir Bedevere were talking with the old man from scene 24. So we jump back to the Doc. It turns out there have been some people disappearing from the Hobo camps. Silly gooses! They are all at Toys ‘r’ us, stocking up on Depression-era Wiis! In a stupid plot development previously used in “Rise of the Cybermen”, some evil corporation dudes (see the “socialism rules, capitalism sucks” message shoehorned here??) come and recruit people around to work in the sewers. Buncha idiots… didn’t you see The Invasion or Attack of the Cybermen? There are baddies in the sewers!!

They are in the sewers. Quite a proper place for this story.

So they dawdle and fiddle do boodle a bit til they find a horrible dead nasty blob. But enough about McDonalds! They wander again for a while and the Doc finds some gooey goober.

A FOOOOCKING RUTAN!! RUN FOR YOUR LIFES!! ZOMG!

Now, the Doctor just knows someone is going to get stinged, so he  preps some white vinegar (he’s been to the Great Barrier, y’know?) and prepares to douse the blobby thingie when a weird sound distracts them.

Ha ha…charade you are…

It turns out the Daleks employ man-pigs to do their dirty work. Probably from the Mexican Oil industry, y’know? So, they get trapped, escaped, trapped, escaped, trapped and then you gotta wonder: did they unearth some old Terry Nation script? Anyhoo, they escape (except some silly idiot that gets himself topped by tomorrow’s bacon). They miraculously end up in the same theater where Silly Blonde with bad accent works. She greets them THE CHICAGO WAY!

WHO WROTE THIS STORY, CONFESS!!!

So they go on and on with plodding exposition about a plot that makes no sense at all: the Daleks arrived in New York, masterminded the Empire State Building (funny, I don’t remember reading that on the plaque!) and employ some slick haired yahoo to do their bidding. And they kidnap humans and turn them into pig mutants that die quickly. What for? The lolz.

I can has pig slaves?

And while everything is explained to the viewer… What?  Geez… stop TALKING ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIVES AND GET ON WITH IT! What? Now they are talking about Rose?!? C’mon, let Bingo Billie Piper in her softcore show! Oh, not another companion pining for the Doc…Jebus almighty, please pull the plug on this lot.

Hey… she has a Rose on her hand…A ROSE!!! OH NO!!! SYMBOLISM!!!

So, let’s get on with it: they get captured AGAIN! It’s Planet of the Daleks all over again, except without ubercool Jon Pertwee or The Man The Legend (TM) Prentis Hancock!

They get rounded up, and scanned for intelligence. They scan people for intelligence with their plungers? Wow…just wow… You know? I truly believe Earth’s atmosphere is bad for the poor Daleks.. They hink Martha is intelligent!

A dumb assistant surrounded by pigs. 

Now the plo thickens (or so says the choral OOHS and AAHS that we get on the soundtrack). They are all brought to the presence of Bad Ass Dalek from a better story (TM). And it’s quite embarrassing ’cause they arrive while the Dalek was taking a shower. Please, this is a kid’s show!

Oi, mind me rastas, mon!

Ok, now it turns out that Lucky Luciano gets fused with Bad Ass Dalek and then turns into Lucky Dalekiano. Say what? Dalek fused with a human…that might…look…. *gasps!*

Eeeeewwww! It’s Jeff Goldblum!

Ahooooooooooooooooooooogahhhhh, B1tches!!!! (TM Feepo, the funniest poster in the Anorak Zone).

*CUE CLIFFHANGER*

Tee hee.

Thanks, Harold. We’ll take it from here.  So there’s this human/dalek hybrid and those racist Daleks go all “Guess who’s coming to dinner?” on us. So they plot against Lucky Dalekiano. Meanwhile, once Bad Ass Dalek and now Lucky Dalekiano pulls a Davros: he explains his plans to the Doctor! Idiot! Worst of all… he DARES to say that Davros was wrong! Calm there, little rastafarian buddy, don’t be dissin’ the wheelchaired one!

By the by… why is Lucky Dalekiano s..peaking…in..PAu…ses? Shatner he ain’t!

Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!

So, the Daleks want to kill Lucky Dalekiano, which is their leader and then they… what will they do? Why do they keep killing their bosses? Don’t they have any long term plans? Didn’t they go with their college career advisor? Killing your boss without an “exit strategy” is a no-no!

Feepo has earwax!!!

By some stupid plot device, called “pulling a TerryNation”, they escape again. And then go back to Hobo camp and Solomon goes all Braveheart on us. Luckily, the Daleks are tired too of those stupid “inspirational speeches” and go Michael Bay on us!

I MEANT BUD LIGGGGHT!!!

Yeah! It turns into Pearl Harbor/Independence day! We should be grateful: David Tennant can outact both Ben Affleck and Josh Hartnett with his right pinky tied to the sonic screwdriver.

Finally, an Explosive Fart of The Year (TM) winner!

So, the camp gets destroyed, the reggae Dalek is mixing some kool aid liquids and the Daleks and Pigslaves call it a day and go back to their lair. Notice that no one minds the carnage and destruction in Central Park. Let me repeat that in italics: explosions in central park are not noticed. Flying shiny robots are not seen. What is this? Mexico City?

Okay, move along, nothing to see here. The Doc decides to go back to Empire State Building. He has a plan. No idea what it is, but he has it. Skills: he lacks them. Adding idiocy to stupidity, he gives Martha the psychic paper…dude…you barely know her, don’t lend her the Gallifreyan Express credit card!

Argh.. will this stupid story will finish? The only thing keeping me watching is getting more screencaps for my blog! OKay, so the Doc goes down (*snicker*) and tries to talk to the Daleks.

Dissa my homies, mon!

They (obviously) betray former Bad Ass Dalek and chain him. The Doc escapes somehow, can’t remember what Davies Ex Machina he uses this time, to be honest. So he goes all Harry Lloyd on us and does some high wire hijinks.

Electric Boogaloo 3: Time lords in heat!

So, lemme get this: gamma rays behave like lightning and if you get hit by it nothing happens, you just doze off for a while. Uh?

I like Harry Lloyd. So?

Meanwhile, Martha, Silly Blonde and Piggy ExBoyfriend electrocut…ehrm, gammaraycute the pigslaves. The Doc just wakes up and they all go and watch “Spamalot” at the Shuber Theater. Sadly, it was pre-empted by  “Doctor Who and the seven keys of Doomsday”.

Oh no! It’s an Andrew Lloyd Webber salute to Daleks!

A lot of humandalekzombies arrive with some conveniently “ready-to-use” Dalek Tommy guns. WTF? Wow, do you think the Daleks just went to some mob meeting and asked real nicely to get some Dalek guns (where did they got them from? WHERE were they hiding them? Wait, don’t answer) retrofitted into Tommy Guns?

This is getting too silly. Wrapping it up: everyone dies except the Doc, his bint and measly Dalek who teleports at ludicrous speed into Series 4. And away we go!

 Rant:

What? You didn’t have enough of my ramblings? Okay. This story was bad. REAL BAD. First time I saw it, I had two bags of cheetos, so maybe I gave it a good rating because the MSG clouded my vision. Boy, what a sobering experience is to watch this, clean and sober from Chester Cheetah!

So, I’ll keep the ranting to minimum and tell you everything on the noble tradition of silly screencaps!

First of all: dodgy accents. WTF? Bottom of the barrel, I tells ya!

Datsa rite, bodhi! I spicksa real tuff Broun-cks. Now let’s go for a pint and some crisps, wicked, eh? Plot holes galore! It didn’t made sense and the usually ropey but fun bad science goes into “are you taking the mick, son?” territory!

Oooh that looks that screams: STOP POINTING PLOT HOLES TO OTHER VIEWERS! 

Yo, who wants out of this sh1tty serial?

Martha was dismayed to see the “brilliant sushi place” the Doc promised her…

The Human/Dalek zombies…. wow, no one noticed so many people disappearing? And how in the heck did they get so fast into the theater? And if Coward Dalek that Survives (TM) has a “kill all humans now!” button ready, why does he let the human hybrids kill out the other two daleks? For the lolz?

The Untouchables: Cardiff.

The only good thing of the shootout? FINALLY we see Daleks exploding! Finally! BOO YAH!

Harsh way to get heckled off stage, innit?

More evidence of dodgy science and ignoring conventions the show already established? How about this: The Doc can use his sonic magic wand to restore someone into a paving slab, but he can’t fix some dude’s face? C’mon, call Wacko Jacko’s plastic surgeon and get on with it!

Dump ‘im, girl, he’s a real pig!

All in all, a terrible story. Bad effects, bad casting, bad choices, bad over the top music. I gotta say this, though: Helen Raynor’s script was meddled with, no question. Hope her Sontaran 2-parter in series 4 fares better than this piece of dross. Avoid this Evil-ution!

Frillyrating:

Did somebody asked for extra captions?

I SAID BUD LIGHT, DAMMIT! 

Please, let us out of this stupid story too!!!