Doctor Who – The Mind Robber (1968)
Reviewed by: FrillyShirtCyberman
The Gist of it:
The Doc, Jamie and Zoe (in some fab 60’s gear) are threatened by a Fiery Foam o’ Death (TM) passing as lava, so they just scurry back to the TARDIS and ride it out. Turns out the Foamy Lava (which would be a great name for an Ubuntu Linux distribution) is messing up the TARDIS (and scratching the paint, d-yaamn! It was a custom job paid by Xzibit!!).
This is what lava looks like in Ibiza!
While everyone panics about, the Doc (played perfectly by The Mighty Patrick Troughton) just presses a button and the TARDIS escapes. Sadly, the button was marked “Pull a Wiley E. Coyote”, so they end up in the ACME equivalent of limbo.
Stupid surplus parts!
The Doc goes and pulls his old copies of “Popular Gallifreyan Mechanic” (the jiggery pokery issue, of course) and starts fixing around the place (i.e. connecting and disconnecting cables, soldering, pressing ctrl-alt-del, you name it). In the meantime, Zoe changes to a catsuit seemingly made from decorative beads and Jamie uses the TARDIS Top Shop generator to fix himself some gear.
Jamie, do you know what a “sexual harassment” subpoena is?
Sadly, with great clothes come great responsibilities: they are both afflicted by a horrible, terminal disease, called “Stupid Companion Syndrome”. Both get tempted to open the doors of the TARDIS when The Doc explicitly told them it was a no-no (in the same scale as they can’t look at the bookmarks on his browser or check his latest buys in iTunes).
It was Jamie visiting “those sites”, Zoe, not me.
Anyhoo, they both vie for that “Darwin Award” and open the doors and end up in a big white void (played by Texas). Everything goes a bit trippy and they are menaced by some Kinder Surprise lookin’ robots that I THINK hypnotize them. Meanwhile, the Doc gets some bad headaches (watching Pokemon, of course) and is having a rest, but he’s so damn unstoppable that just pops some Tylenol and rescues the two silly companions. They depart but in the way the TARDIS turns into a model that…explodes!!!
Damn you, Krazy Kola!!!
Ah, but they are all fine and dandy. Well, no. More Kinder Surprise monsters start attacking them, take yer pick: silly tin soldiers, medusa, the minotaur and even Adam West!
Na na na na na na na na na na na na na … KARKUS!! I wonder if he’s climbing a wall and someone pops out of a window to make some silly joke.
Jamie gets a new face and Zoe decides she doesn’t want to be intelligent and spends the rest of the story screaming, nay, shrilling about. For their troubles, they both get squashed into a book or summat, like leaves put to dry.
I know some books feel like a chore whilst reading them… but this is ridiculous!!
Meanwhile, no more than a fictional swallow’s flight away, The Doc encounters some creepy children, some ropey sets and finally, some dude that looks like a bureaucrat.
Oh no! Gimme back my Magic cards, you ASBO chavs!
Turns out the whole place exists only because Evil Bureaucrat is imagining the place. Y’know, I had the suspicion that Bugs Bunny was evil and mean, but this is ridiculous! It’s like that old cartoon when he’s just drawing about on Daffy (who is in a white painted hell too).
Ain’t I a little stinker? Tee Hee.
Before it gets even sillier, both Evil Bureaucrat (who is called The Master….with a beard and all!!!) and The Doc use some machines to fight in what looks like the 60s version of Mad Libs. They end up writing some drivel, which distracts the Master (EB) from Zoe and Jamie, who have snook around. They just unplug the machine, everything unravels and they are back at the TARDIS. Uh? Man, and I thought Alice in Wonderland had the cop-out rushed ending prize.
“I write this magazine called “Greatest Cop-out endings ever!” and this kid from Wales called Russell T. Davies says he likes my stuff”.
Ladies and Gentleman, we have a winner!
Rant:
Ah, the much maligned sixth year. Dunno why it gets so much stick. Granted, Krotons and Dominators are not stone cold classics, but then again, not all of them can be it. It’s not a rehash of season’s five weekly Base Under Siege formula (well, Seeds of Death is, but I like the formula) but surely is a bunch of different stories: alien invasions, space dramas, rage against authority, etc.
Funky robots and The Mighty Trout.
And then there’s this story, a veritable head-scratcher. Metafiction? Last minute cheapie replacement? Pantorific exercise? I think it’s all of them. Which I don’t mean as a slight, though. I like the creepy, downright unsettling atmosphere from ep. 1 (which inspires the Tom Baker ubercool romp Warriors’ Gate, IMHO) and there’s a very low-sounding music in episode 3 (when they are at the Minotaur’s maze) which is frickin’ cool and haunting.
Medusa is vanquished with a Take That CD. The Doctor sure likes to go for an overkill…
Plot wise, the story is fascinating: they are trapped in ( I don’t want to use the term, since it’s from South Park) Imaginationland!!! Where’s Eric Cartman, yo? Ehrm, well, got it out of my system, reload review now! Okay, they broke any time/space barriers and are in a realm made of imagination (that’s my take, though), where a massive brain controls everything about. Such brain needed an imaginative person to function (the Master, who used to be a writer). Now, said Master is nearing the end of his life and it wants a replacement. Cool story! I like the little pastiche of different literary characters (Rapunzel, Gulliver, the Batman-like Karkus), which reminded me of Alan Moore’s The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, a fantastic comic I heartily recommend.
Whoa! Pantene Pro-V really makes hair stronger!
The Mighty Trout (Patrick Troughton for us mere mortals) acts a little different here, but his funny quips are still present (he acts like a child in ep 5, but it’s very funny!). The Master (Emrys Jones) is cackling, but I like his “I’m being used” approach. Fake-Jamie Hamish Wilson does good and his thick accent goes perfect. Kudos for him replacing Fraser Hines (who fell ill during recording).
Och, Doc! You changed me good looks!
Now, my only problem with the serial is… Zoe!!! Yeah, she looks nice and acts the part very good… but why is she reduced to “Scream Queen” here? She just reads numbers and screams… what’s this, an 80’s serial? 
Thank Jebus, it’s only in this story, since she’s up to her geeky ways in the next serial, the fantastic “The Invasion”.
Is this what they refer to “bottling up your emotions”? BOOM BOOM!
A bit which took me out a bit but I still enjoyed… KUNG FU ZOE!!!
The Doc and Zoe regret taking a vacation in Mexico.
She’s just setting a precedent for Pertwee’s HAAAAAI – YAAAH! action. Skills – She has them.
Now, the DVD is flippin’ loaded with goodies and the picture quality is brill. I liked the documentaries about Fraser Hines’ time on the show and specially the story behind the troubled times which beset season 6 of Doctor Who, which are explained a bit more detailed on the fantastic Evolution of the Invasion documentary (on another DVD…review coming real soon-ish!). My favorite bit of the DVD? BASIL BRUSH!!!! The one and only!
THE YEEEETII IS A MAN’S BESSSTT FRIEEEEND 
Anyhoo, an enjoyable romp, not the best in season 6, but a notable effort, with a different story that is great. Fantastic music and cool atmosphere reign supreme here.
Frillyreview:
Extra captions!!! 
Stupid neighbours are up to it again! Damn these thin walls!
Ah, this Wii set up is sweet!
Yes, you’ll be invited again to the show. Now please point that in another direction, my good man.
Unicorns? Oh no! DECKARD IS A REPLICANT!!!
